being a mom with asthma...

A lot of people think asthma is not that big a deal and for a lot of asthmatics it isn't a big deal. But then you have people like me.. the ones who can barely walk up a flight of stairs because at the top they are gasping for breath through the wheezing... and an inhaler is the only thing preventing them from not breathing at all!

That's right! My body fights even the simplest of activities! It's not that I don't want to do that long walk with my friends on the beach... I can't.

Now lets step out of being a teen and into being an adult... the hustle and bustle of a job is much like that flight of stairs for me... on a good day I am just out of breath... on a bad.. I could need a hospital. So work from home or self employment seemed like the only job I could do... then came the kids....

yup... I have three... and all three have missed out on a very big part of being a kid... running around with your mama chasin you yellin "I'm gonna get ya" with her tickle fingers going crazy! You know what I'm talking about... I couldn't do that... so I found other things we could do cause I wasn't letting my asthma kill this job... it was finally one I could manage that only I could do!

Now my youngest is 5 and they have had to learn that sometimes mama can't breathe and it is scary. They had to watch as I am gasping trying to get to the neutralizer so that I can get a good breath of air again, and they have seen me fall as my oldest son (who I had when I was very young so he is 17 now) runs to me with that same machine I was desperately trying to get to. They watch after he hands me the part I need he is frantically trying to plug it in, and they relax a little when it starts working.

These are things a child sees their mom or dad go through when they have asthma, and it is very scary never knowing if they will be ok or not. As a kid I saw all of these things so I know how they feel and I do what my mom did... smile and tell them it's ok... that I'll be ok.

As a mom with asthma it kills me to know what they are going through. To know how scared they are and to know that even though I say it is ok and I'll be ok, they are never truly convinced. All I could wish for would be that they never have to see it again... even though I know they will.

That's what it means to be a mom with asthma